mayfucking30th!

Here's anoother update! Hmm, I didn't really fit everything that happened in the past month so i'ma finish it up here. Um, after the whole break up thing, alot of shit happened! My mainsqz &I got in a fight bout it, and it was just fucking stupid. CHICKS BEFORE DICKS, AYE!? Um, what eelse! Idk! But I'm on fucking lockdown! I haven't been going anywhere the past 5 days! >:O FML! I got grounded on the second day of summer! FML <^><^><^> gbye!

PASTMONTH UPDATE!

TOO MANY THINGS TO TYPE/IDK WHERE TO START! Ahaha, i'ma just start jottin' down random things that happened the past month! Okay, I was at baby harlow's house and sometime that night we met up w/Duran and his friend Kentrell? And idk that wasn't very exciting but I saw my qt, Duran ;) LOLOL! After they left us, we walked to Blake's house, where Jon was staying! HAH, and outta nowhere I had a fucking bad urge to go numero uno! LOL, Erin didn't do much but laugh! But anywho, once we got to Blake's house, he told us we had to climb thru the fucking window in order to spend time w/them cos girhl's aren't allowed in the house -___-" well it was pretty late, so his parents coulda thought we all were doing something else ;) LOL! My shorts got caught when I was getting in and Jon was trying to pull'em up, ahahhaha! It was hilarious! But we had to hide in Blake's closet for like 2 hours (Exaggerating) so we just decided to sneak the boys out of their house and just head to Erin's! So we did, but since Erin wasn't allowed to have Jon& Blake over, we had to go into the backyard and sit in the clubhouse -_-" Jon& Erin were doing their thing ;) and Blake& I were just sitting there, SO AWKWARD! LOL! But Blake and I decided to just got into the house. Then I fucking realized I got an allergic reaction to something! :O My eyes were swollen and shit! My face was really itchy, it was just horrible! But towards the end of the night...ahahhaha i hooked up w/him. ahahhahahaha (=

Hm, me &the guy that promised to not hurt me + i was seeing for a monthish dumped me :( Whatever, lskjdflsjf. I would die if i had to relive that night. I cried myself to sleep for like 4 days. I know, so dramatic! but seriously, i thought we would fight the battle of long distance relationship. I guess not. When he told me and my friends that he wouldn't hurt me, ..I really thought he meant it. I guess not. When he told me that WE would both work on our relationship, I really thought he meant it. I guess not. When he told me he loved me the night before he broke it off, I really thought he meant it. I guess not. At this moment, I know I should've let go. But idk if i have yet =/ I feel stupid, but I just can't do it. I keep thinking he might come back, leaving me waiting. Nothing hurts more than waiting esp. since I don't even know what I'm waiting for anymore.He wonders why I don't talk to him as much anymore and please believe me when I say its not that I don't want to, It's just that everything I want to say to him/you, I can't tell you/him anymore.Whatever, fuck him and fuck this..but anywho next thing..um,school's out. that's okay too, i suppose. I don't want to go back to California and I don't want to stay in Evansville. But there's nowhere else to go. Ugh, FML. I hate this. I want to be anywhere but here. fuck you and you and you! I'm shitty now, cos of my last update about that boy. So I guess here's the end of it. GOOODBYE<3

Maybe one day it will be ok again. That's all I want. I don't care what it takes. I just want to be ok again.

The past couple days have been...whatevers. I don't want to live this way. I just want to come back home and live life the way i use to live it. When no one was "fake". When we were ourselves cos no one could ever tell us we were doing it wrong. When we would laugh problems off instead of fighting. When no one cared what other people thought. :'((((( I wanted all of that back so badly, I forgot about living my life. Instead I went around/I am going around and chasing everyone to make them happy and to please them. I'm so tired of this shit. Other than all the bullllllSHIT!

There's a specific someone who makes my day just by hearing their name! =) Even though I have all this bullcrap going on, just the thought of being with him in the summer is enough to get me thru the day. I just wish he could hear all the words I'm too afraid to say =/ I don't want fall hard, but i'm not sure if it's too late or not, yet. I'ma go now

BYEEEESZ<3

I'ma bout to 'GO OFF!'

FMLFMLFML! Life's going down the fucking drain, AGAIN!? =/ Someone save meee!

"In the end its not the harsh words of your enemies you remember,

but the silence of your friends."

sldfjlsdkjf people neeeed to grow up, like seriously! Calling others fake when the only fake person is the one in her mirror! I'm so sick of her dumb ass! Fuccccck her, if she's gonna leave for a couple days like she's going to leave us forever then you should just leave for gooood. I'm not about to fuck my life up again w/her back in it. I'm fucking done w/being pushed around+putting her happiness before mine! Fuck it, i'm done w/her bullshit. I pray to God that someone is there to hold me down the day I explode and hunt her down. I'm on the urge of committing murder. I've never in my life have felt so furious. HEY, AND GUESS WHAT FUCKER!? The next time we all gather around to talk, open your mouth &talk your bullshit to our fucking faces, you hear bitcccch? If not, then keep our fucking names out of that dirty mouth of yours, k? The next time I hear one of our names rolllll off your mouth, I will rip that tongue out and choke you w/it!

Other than that, my day was a bitch. I kept getting in trouble for littttttle things. I got in trouble for wearing glasses o___o + my shirt being too low?! LOLOL! Gosh, I will burn down Plaza one day and throw 'her' body in the fireee! i'm so mad right now that my mind's just thinking violent thoughts D:

Look at me and tell me what you see, It's a new game now. I'm not the girl I used to be

♥♥♥♥

EEEEEEK! I had the best weekend+two days of the week! Lost a friend a couple days ago, but I can careless, cos I gained two more ++life's good w/o heeeer, like foreals! A specific person is really getting me thru alot, &he probably doesn't even know it :) it's the feeling, where you can hear their voice and the worries and problems fade away instantly, the world disappears, and your mind goes blank! i♥feeling and i hope it never goes away! I can honestly say, I'm saying all this pretty fast, but I haven't been real happy in awhile+it's nice to have a little bit of my old life back :( I'm missing my bestf more than usual. I think it's cos i've been going thru all this BS and there's no one really here to tell me that everything's going to be okay or like lend me an ear. I know people can tell other people everything, but she's seriously the only person I can trust+she understands thru my flaws& mistakes!

It's so cold here& all i have are summer clothes LOLOL this is what i get for coming from a sunny city to a miniature anartica D: i neeeed someone to come hold me+keep me warm :'( LOL! +i'm pale as hell, it's unbelievable& deffinately not fun LOL!

"I never thought I’d fall for you as hard as I did"
"Everything you love before you don't love no more"

Dying for Vegas :')

I haven't blogged since like a century ago D: But yeah, my life has been shitty as hell. I hate it like a bitch, all i need are my 714's! Donald& Jay made me weekend, they're so fucking hilarious.<3

I'm so sick of everyone's bitchassss over here! Everyone's fake and it's driving me crazy! I'm so sick of people taking advantage of my shy, quiet, kind personality. I've let so many people take advantage of me, yet I still don't know how to stand up on my own =/ I promised myself that i'd change, but that hasn't happened, cos idk how. I guess I just sorta thought something would change me itself, Idk really. I'm tired of always apologizing for things I didn't do, I'm done putting people before myself! I spend too much time trying to make others happy, when I can't make myself happy. It's funny how I can brighten people's days up yet Idk how to brighten up my own. I'm fucking sick of people just talking to certain others just becos of their reputation! Goddamn, worry about your character, cos reputation is only what people think you are. Fuck it, i'm done worrying bout what people need to say to or about me, cos fuck I'm not changing for anybody anymore. I'm done having to wait for people to wipe away my tears, cos now i'm going to learn and do it myself. Do myself a fucking favor cos i've been chewed up and spit out too many times. I'm done getting fucked over. Look at me tmrw and tell me what you see. It's a new game, I'm not the girl I used to be.